By Alexa Rodriguez Pagano ’16
1. Have a friend set you up with another random person on campus. (This includes your close acquaintance distributing your number to a complete stranger and awkwardly texting for a week without communicating with or acknowledging each other in person.)
2. Head to the Den or “Susie’s” on a Friday or Saturday night and wait there with your friends to see if this random stranger happens to be there as well.
3. When you finally make eye contact across the room, wait for that random person to approach you and start an awkward conversation, maybe about a class you have in common or how lame the den dance was tonight.
4. Commence a trek across campus to find a public space where PAPS will most likely walk in on you whilst you are “hooking up.”
5. If PAPS gets there before you and all of the doors are locked, go to a dorm and get a parietal or check common room space to make sure it is not occupied.
6. When finished with your late night rendezvous frantically run back to your dorm 2 minutes before sign-in or, if your set-up is a wonderful person, they’ll walk you back to your dorm.
7. Await a text message from the random stranger that you had relations with.
8. If they do not text you, look forward to constantly avoiding eye contact on the path.
9. If they do, you are quite the lucky one! Start hoping that this relationship will last longer than a week!
And that’s how to start a healthy relationship in the Andover Bubble!